Relationship research · Posts 2

Post 2 · How couples argue

Cream

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

During arguments in happy, lasting marriages:

For every hurtful thing partners said or did,

they said or did at least five kind things.

The Gottman Institute’s summary of its research.

SLIDE 2 / 3

What did kindness look like during an argument?

Kind words and gestures

Listening with interest. Sharing a laugh.

Hurtful words and gestures

Rolling your eyes. Dismissing your partner’s feelings.

Examples described by The Gottman Institute.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Researchers watched couples argue, then followed up years later.

They filmed a 15-minute discussion about a disagreement.

Later, they checked which couples were still married.

This was an observed pattern, not a test of whether five kind gestures prevent a divorce.

Research: John Gottman & Robert Levenson.

Source: The Gottman Institute
“The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science” (2017).

Plum

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

During arguments in happy, lasting marriages:

For every hurtful thing partners said or did,

they said or did at least five kind things.

The Gottman Institute’s summary of its research.

SLIDE 2 / 3

What did kindness look like during an argument?

Kind words and gestures

Listening with interest. Sharing a laugh.

Hurtful words and gestures

Rolling your eyes. Dismissing your partner’s feelings.

Examples described by The Gottman Institute.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Researchers watched couples argue, then followed up years later.

They filmed a 15-minute discussion about a disagreement.

Later, they checked which couples were still married.

This was an observed pattern, not a test of whether five kind gestures prevent a divorce.

Research: John Gottman & Robert Levenson.

Source: The Gottman Institute
“The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science” (2017).

Cream + raspberry

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

During arguments in happy, lasting marriages:

For every hurtful thing partners said or did,

they said or did at least five kind things.

The Gottman Institute’s summary of its research.

SLIDE 2 / 3

What did kindness look like during an argument?

Kind words and gestures

Listening with interest. Sharing a laugh.

Hurtful words and gestures

Rolling your eyes. Dismissing your partner’s feelings.

Examples described by The Gottman Institute.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Researchers watched couples argue, then followed up years later.

They filmed a 15-minute discussion about a disagreement.

Later, they checked which couples were still married.

This was an observed pattern, not a test of whether five kind gestures prevent a divorce.

Research: John Gottman & Robert Levenson.

Source: The Gottman Institute
“The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science” (2017).

Paper

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

During arguments in happy, lasting marriages:

For every hurtful thing partners said or did,

they said or did at least five kind things.

The Gottman Institute’s summary of its research.

SLIDE 2 / 3

What did kindness look like during an argument?

Kind words and gestures

Listening with interest. Sharing a laugh.

Hurtful words and gestures

Rolling your eyes. Dismissing your partner’s feelings.

Examples described by The Gottman Institute.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Researchers watched couples argue, then followed up years later.

They filmed a 15-minute discussion about a disagreement.

Later, they checked which couples were still married.

This was an observed pattern, not a test of whether five kind gestures prevent a divorce.

Research: John Gottman & Robert Levenson.

Source: The Gottman Institute
“The Magic Relationship Ratio, According to Science” (2017).

Post 3 · Affection before a later divorce

Cream

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

A 13-year study of marriage

Affection at the start of marriage

Happily married 13 years later

Divorced after 7+ years

The couples who divorced after 7+ years showed each other more affection.

About a third more than couples happily married 13 years later.

SLIDE 2 / 3

A 13-year study began with 168 newlywed couples.

Each spouse was asked how often their partner had shown them affection the day before.

Examples in the study:

Complimenting their partner

Saying “I love you”

SLIDE 3 / 3

For the couples who divorced after 7+ years, affection for each other fell sharply in the first year.

First year of marriage

Affection

After 7+ years

Divorce

Source: Huston et al. (2001). The Connubial Crucible.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80, 237–252.
DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.80.2.237

Plum

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

A 13-year study of marriage

Affection at the start of marriage

Happily married 13 years later

Divorced after 7+ years

The couples who divorced after 7+ years showed each other more affection.

About a third more than couples happily married 13 years later.

SLIDE 2 / 3

A 13-year study began with 168 newlywed couples.

Each spouse was asked how often their partner had shown them affection the day before.

Examples in the study:

Complimenting their partner

Saying “I love you”

SLIDE 3 / 3

For the couples who divorced after 7+ years, affection for each other fell sharply in the first year.

First year of marriage

Affection

After 7+ years

Divorce

Source: Huston et al. (2001). The Connubial Crucible.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80, 237–252.
DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.80.2.237

Cream + raspberry

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

A 13-year study of marriage

Affection at the start of marriage

Happily married 13 years later

Divorced after 7+ years

The couples who divorced after 7+ years showed each other more affection.

About a third more than couples happily married 13 years later.

SLIDE 2 / 3

A 13-year study began with 168 newlywed couples.

Each spouse was asked how often their partner had shown them affection the day before.

Examples in the study:

Complimenting their partner

Saying “I love you”

SLIDE 3 / 3

For the couples who divorced after 7+ years, affection for each other fell sharply in the first year.

First year of marriage

Affection

After 7+ years

Divorce

Source: Huston et al. (2001). The Connubial Crucible.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80, 237–252.
DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.80.2.237

Paper

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

A 13-year study of marriage

Affection at the start of marriage

Happily married 13 years later

Divorced after 7+ years

The couples who divorced after 7+ years showed each other more affection.

About a third more than couples happily married 13 years later.

SLIDE 2 / 3

A 13-year study began with 168 newlywed couples.

Each spouse was asked how often their partner had shown them affection the day before.

Examples in the study:

Complimenting their partner

Saying “I love you”

SLIDE 3 / 3

For the couples who divorced after 7+ years, affection for each other fell sharply in the first year.

First year of marriage

Affection

After 7+ years

Divorce

Source: Huston et al. (2001). The Connubial Crucible.
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80, 237–252.
DOI: 10.1037/0022-3514.80.2.237

Post 4 · When the distance ends

Cream

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.
More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

180 now lived closer

114
still dating

66
broke up

Relationship status at the time of the survey

SLIDE 2 / 3

Researchers surveyed 335 college students about their long-distance relationships.

180

had begun living closer to their partner.

Students looked back on that change. Living nearby did not necessarily mean sharing a home.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Students described what changed after the move.

Some enjoyed more time with their partner.

Some felt they had less time for themselves, friends or family.

From a selected group of 72 students.
The study cannot show that moving caused breakups.

Stafford, Merolla & Castle (2006)
When long-distance dating partners become geographically close

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
23(6), 901–919 · DOI: 10.1177/0265407506070472

Plum

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.
More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

180 now lived closer

114
still dating

66
broke up

Relationship status at the time of the survey

SLIDE 2 / 3

Researchers surveyed 335 college students about their long-distance relationships.

180

had begun living closer to their partner.

Students looked back on that change. Living nearby did not necessarily mean sharing a home.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Students described what changed after the move.

Some enjoyed more time with their partner.

Some felt they had less time for themselves, friends or family.

From a selected group of 72 students.
The study cannot show that moving caused breakups.

Stafford, Merolla & Castle (2006)
When long-distance dating partners become geographically close

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
23(6), 901–919 · DOI: 10.1177/0265407506070472

Cream + raspberry

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.
More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

180 now lived closer

114
still dating

66
broke up

Relationship status at the time of the survey

SLIDE 2 / 3

Researchers surveyed 335 college students about their long-distance relationships.

180

had begun living closer to their partner.

Students looked back on that change. Living nearby did not necessarily mean sharing a home.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Students described what changed after the move.

Some enjoyed more time with their partner.

Some felt they had less time for themselves, friends or family.

From a selected group of 72 students.
The study cannot show that moving caused breakups.

Stafford, Merolla & Castle (2006)
When long-distance dating partners become geographically close

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
23(6), 901–919 · DOI: 10.1177/0265407506070472

Paper

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.
More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

180 now lived closer

114
still dating

66
broke up

Relationship status at the time of the survey

SLIDE 2 / 3

Researchers surveyed 335 college students about their long-distance relationships.

180

had begun living closer to their partner.

Students looked back on that change. Living nearby did not necessarily mean sharing a home.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Students described what changed after the move.

Some enjoyed more time with their partner.

Some felt they had less time for themselves, friends or family.

From a selected group of 72 students.
The study cannot show that moving caused breakups.

Stafford, Merolla & Castle (2006)
When long-distance dating partners become geographically close

Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
23(6), 901–919 · DOI: 10.1177/0265407506070472

Post 5 · Feeling alike and liking someone

Cream

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

For people who already
knew each other:

Thinking they had more in common with someone

went with liking
that person more.

Having similar
views or
personalities

did not show
the same clear
connection.

SLIDE 2 / 3

Researchers reviewed 313 studies of liking and attraction.

The full review included strangers, friends and romantic partners.

The review gathered studies of shared traits and studies of what people believed they had in common with someone.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Across the full review, both kinds of similarity went with liking someone more.

That included studies of people who had never met or had only just met.

The findings do not prove that shared traits never matter, or that feeling alike causes liking.

Montoya, Horton & Kirchner (2008).
Is actual similarity necessary for attraction?
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Plum

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

For people who already
knew each other:

Thinking they had more in common with someone

went with liking
that person more.

Having similar
views or
personalities

did not show
the same clear
connection.

SLIDE 2 / 3

Researchers reviewed 313 studies of liking and attraction.

The full review included strangers, friends and romantic partners.

The review gathered studies of shared traits and studies of what people believed they had in common with someone.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Across the full review, both kinds of similarity went with liking someone more.

That included studies of people who had never met or had only just met.

The findings do not prove that shared traits never matter, or that feeling alike causes liking.

Montoya, Horton & Kirchner (2008).
Is actual similarity necessary for attraction?
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Cream + raspberry

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

For people who already
knew each other:

Thinking they had more in common with someone

went with liking
that person more.

Having similar
views or
personalities

did not show
the same clear
connection.

SLIDE 2 / 3

Researchers reviewed 313 studies of liking and attraction.

The full review included strangers, friends and romantic partners.

The review gathered studies of shared traits and studies of what people believed they had in common with someone.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Across the full review, both kinds of similarity went with liking someone more.

That included studies of people who had never met or had only just met.

The findings do not prove that shared traits never matter, or that feeling alike causes liking.

Montoya, Horton & Kirchner (2008).
Is actual similarity necessary for attraction?
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Paper

SLIDE 1 / 3

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

For people who already
knew each other:

Thinking they had more in common with someone

went with liking
that person more.

Having similar
views or
personalities

did not show
the same clear
connection.

SLIDE 2 / 3

Researchers reviewed 313 studies of liking and attraction.

The full review included strangers, friends and romantic partners.

The review gathered studies of shared traits and studies of what people believed they had in common with someone.

SLIDE 3 / 3

Across the full review, both kinds of similarity went with liking someone more.

That included studies of people who had never met or had only just met.

The findings do not prove that shared traits never matter, or that feeling alike causes liking.

Montoya, Horton & Kirchner (2008).
Is actual similarity necessary for attraction?
Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

Post 2 · How couples argue

Cream

During arguments in happy, lasting marriages:

What did kindness look like during an argument?

Kind words and gestures

Hurtful words and gestures

Researchers watched couples argue, then followed up years later.

Plum

During arguments in happy, lasting marriages:

What did kindness look like during an argument?

Kind words and gestures

Hurtful words and gestures

Researchers watched couples argue, then followed up years later.

Cream + raspberry

During arguments in happy, lasting marriages:

What did kindness look like during an argument?

Kind words and gestures

Hurtful words and gestures

Researchers watched couples argue, then followed up years later.

Paper

During arguments in happy, lasting marriages:

What did kindness look like during an argument?

Kind words and gestures

Hurtful words and gestures

Researchers watched couples argue, then followed up years later.

Post 3 · Affection before a later divorce

Cream

Affection at the start of marriage

A 13-year study began with 168 newlywed couples.

For the couples who divorced after 7+ years, affection for each other fell sharply in the first year.

Plum

Affection at the start of marriage

A 13-year study began with 168 newlywed couples.

For the couples who divorced after 7+ years, affection for each other fell sharply in the first year.

Cream + raspberry

Affection at the start of marriage

A 13-year study began with 168 newlywed couples.

For the couples who divorced after 7+ years, affection for each other fell sharply in the first year.

Paper

Affection at the start of marriage

A 13-year study began with 168 newlywed couples.

For the couples who divorced after 7+ years, affection for each other fell sharply in the first year.

Post 4 · When the distance ends

Cream

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

Researchers surveyed 335 college students about their long-distance relationships.

Students described what changed after the move.

Plum

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

Researchers surveyed 335 college students about their long-distance relationships.

Students described what changed after the move.

Cream + raspberry

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

Researchers surveyed 335 college students about their long-distance relationships.

Students described what changed after the move.

Paper

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

Researchers surveyed 335 college students about their long-distance relationships.

Students described what changed after the move.

Post 5 · Feeling alike and liking someone

Cream

For people who alreadyknew each other:

Researchers reviewed 313 studies of liking and attraction.

Across the full review, both kinds of similarity went with liking someone more.

Plum

For people who alreadyknew each other:

Researchers reviewed 313 studies of liking and attraction.

Across the full review, both kinds of similarity went with liking someone more.

Cream + raspberry

For people who alreadyknew each other:

Researchers reviewed 313 studies of liking and attraction.

Across the full review, both kinds of similarity went with liking someone more.

Paper

For people who alreadyknew each other:

Researchers reviewed 313 studies of liking and attraction.

Across the full review, both kinds of similarity went with liking someone more.

Caption and research references · outside the artwork

Caption and research references · outside the artwork

Caption and research references · outside the artwork

Caption and research references · outside the artwork

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.
More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.
More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.
More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

180 college students had begun living closer to their long-distance partner.
More than 1 in 3 later broke up.

For people who already
knew each other:

For people who already
knew each other:

For people who already
knew each other:

For people who already
knew each other: