Post 1 / A small exchange

One post, four slides. Read left to right. Click a slide to enlarge it.

A familiar exchange → the study → the results → what to take from it.

All colours use the same copy. Edits carry across the colour options.

Cream

SLIDE 1 / 4
RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

Your partner points something out. Do you show you’re listening?

One partner

“Oh, it’s so pretty out there. There’s a beautiful boat.”

Their partner

“Oh, yeah, it is.”

An example described by the researchers.

Couples who stayed married were more likely to show they were listening.

How did they study this? →
SLIDE 2 / 4

Researchers watched 130 newlywed couples.

As newlyweds

For example, one partner shared something or asked for help.

Did the other show they were listening?

Six years later

Still married or divorced?

Here’s what they found →
SLIDE 3 / 4

How often did the other partner show they were listening?

Couples who stayed married

86% of those moments

Couples who later divorced

33% of those moments

Average for each group, measured when they were newlyweds.

What this means for you →
SLIDE 4 / 4

The next time your partner points something out, let them know you heard them.

You don’t need a long conversation. In the study, even a brief reply counted.

This was a pattern across couples. One missed reply doesn’t predict a breakup.

Research sources

John Gottman · The Science of Togetherness
Psychotherapy Networker, September/October 2017

The Gottman Institute · Turn Towards Instead of Away

Plum

SLIDE 1 / 4
RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

Your partner points something out. Do you show you’re listening?

One partner

“Oh, it’s so pretty out there. There’s a beautiful boat.”

Their partner

“Oh, yeah, it is.”

An example described by the researchers.

Couples who stayed married were more likely to show they were listening.

How did they study this? →
SLIDE 2 / 4

Researchers watched 130 newlywed couples.

As newlyweds

For example, one partner shared something or asked for help.

Did the other show they were listening?

Six years later

Still married or divorced?

Here’s what they found →
SLIDE 3 / 4

How often did the other partner show they were listening?

Couples who stayed married

86% of those moments

Couples who later divorced

33% of those moments

Average for each group, measured when they were newlyweds.

What this means for you →
SLIDE 4 / 4

The next time your partner points something out, let them know you heard them.

You don’t need a long conversation. In the study, even a brief reply counted.

This was a pattern across couples. One missed reply doesn’t predict a breakup.

Research sources

John Gottman · The Science of Togetherness
Psychotherapy Networker, September/October 2017

The Gottman Institute · Turn Towards Instead of Away

Cream + raspberry

SLIDE 1 / 4
RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

Your partner points something out. Do you show you’re listening?

One partner

“Oh, it’s so pretty out there. There’s a beautiful boat.”

Their partner

“Oh, yeah, it is.”

An example described by the researchers.

Couples who stayed married were more likely to show they were listening.

How did they study this? →
SLIDE 2 / 4

Researchers watched 130 newlywed couples.

As newlyweds

For example, one partner shared something or asked for help.

Did the other show they were listening?

Six years later

Still married or divorced?

Here’s what they found →
SLIDE 3 / 4

How often did the other partner show they were listening?

Couples who stayed married

86% of those moments

Couples who later divorced

33% of those moments

Average for each group, measured when they were newlyweds.

What this means for you →
SLIDE 4 / 4

The next time your partner points something out, let them know you heard them.

You don’t need a long conversation. In the study, even a brief reply counted.

This was a pattern across couples. One missed reply doesn’t predict a breakup.

Research sources

John Gottman · The Science of Togetherness
Psychotherapy Networker, September/October 2017

The Gottman Institute · Turn Towards Instead of Away

Paper

SLIDE 1 / 4
RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH

Your partner points something out. Do you show you’re listening?

One partner

“Oh, it’s so pretty out there. There’s a beautiful boat.”

Their partner

“Oh, yeah, it is.”

An example described by the researchers.

Couples who stayed married were more likely to show they were listening.

How did they study this? →
SLIDE 2 / 4

Researchers watched 130 newlywed couples.

As newlyweds

For example, one partner shared something or asked for help.

Did the other show they were listening?

Six years later

Still married or divorced?

Here’s what they found →
SLIDE 3 / 4

How often did the other partner show they were listening?

Couples who stayed married

86% of those moments

Couples who later divorced

33% of those moments

Average for each group, measured when they were newlyweds.

What this means for you →
SLIDE 4 / 4

The next time your partner points something out, let them know you heard them.

You don’t need a long conversation. In the study, even a brief reply counted.

This was a pattern across couples. One missed reply doesn’t predict a breakup.

Research sources

John Gottman · The Science of Togetherness
Psychotherapy Networker, September/October 2017

The Gottman Institute · Turn Towards Instead of Away

Caption notes & references — outside the artwork

In the researchers’ account, a comment about the view and a boat illustrates a small attempt to connect. Even a brief acknowledgement was coded as turning toward; no response was coded as turning away.

At the six-year follow-up, 113 couples were still married and 17 had divorced. Their earlier average rates of turning toward were 86% and 33%, respectively. These rates concern requests for attention and connection broadly; they are not a separate test of responses to comments about boats.

The figures are response rates, not percentages of couples who stayed married. This observational finding does not establish that a particular reply causes a marriage to last or that one missed reply predicts divorce. The practical ending is an editorial takeaway.

“Show you’re listening” is an everyday explanation of positively acknowledging a partner. The study covered verbal and nonverbal ways of connecting. The boat and help examples illustrate the behaviour; the percentages describe the wider research measure.

John Gottman · The Science of Togetherness Psychotherapy Networker, September/October 2017

The Gottman Institute · Turn Towards Instead of Away

The Gottman Institute · Invest in Your Relationship: The Emotional Bank Account

Read the copy without the designs

Slide 1

Your partner points something out. Do you show you’re listening?

One partner: “Oh, it’s so pretty out there. There’s a beautiful boat.”

Their partner: “Oh, yeah, it is.”

Couples who stayed married were more likely to show they were listening.

Slide 2

Researchers watched 130 newlywed couples.

As newlyweds: For example, one partner shared something or asked for help. Did the other show they were listening?

Six years later: Still married or divorced?

Slide 3

How often did the other partner show they were listening?

Couples who stayed married: 86% of the time.

Couples who later divorced: 33% of the time.

Average for each group, measured when they were newlyweds.

Slide 4

The next time your partner points something out, let them know you heard them.

You don’t need a long conversation. In the study, even a brief reply counted.

This was a pattern across couples. One missed reply doesn’t predict a breakup.